Why do Christians love abortion?

Longtime readers of my little rants (as if there are such people. If you are one of them, I pity you) know how much I used to relish making fun of the Christians out there in wacky land. It's not just them, I enjoy persecuting overly religious people in general. However over the last few years I've somewhat relaxed a bit in my attitudes, if I really want people to live and let live, the best way to show it is by practicing it. Who am I to tell people what to believe, what right do I have to insult the beliefs of others?

And really, who gives a shit?

Well, they do, the Evangelical Christians. They give a lot of shits. And thus when two people argue and one gives a shit while the other doesn't, the one who does wins by default. Case in point, the recent Supreme Court decision to uphold the 2003 partial birth abortion ban. I'm sure all of you were paying attention to this, it's hard sometimes when the corporate tabloid news media is busy exploiting sensational school shooter stories to see that there are in fact other things going on in the world, some of which might be important.

I won't go over the rights and wrongs of partial birth abortion - or a second term abortion done during a time when a fetus is quickly approaching the age where it might, just maybe, be able to survive outside of the mother's body by being hooked up to all kinds of machines and shit and growing up all deformed into a self-conscious mentally ill adult who can't get over the fact that it's mother didn't want it. Believe what you want to believe, I'm not here to dispute that. But it just seems to me that the whole big stink over whether or not you should be allowed to kill your unborn child is a big time waster, an issue used to distract us from other important issues, and is, in fact, bullshit.

A little background here - When I was in utero the doctors found a cyst on one of my mother's ovaries. During the removal process there was a 50-50 chance that, in order to save the life of the mother, they may have had to abort the fetus, which was ME. Was it divine intervention that saved me? I would like to think so. But I also know it's just as likely that I simply got lucky. When your birth had the same chance of success as the results of a coin toss it tends to put this issue into perspective for you. I am glad I was born, but also I would not blame my mother for aborting me if her life was threatened. Would you throw yourself in front of a train to save your mother? Some people would, some people would not. If you're one of the people who is not an asshole and actually would save your mother then by logical extension you must be in favor of abortion. When that decision comes, your life or your unborn child's, you cannot blame anyone for choosing to preserve themselves. Yes it would be nice if everyone was selfless, but that's some other planet. On planet Earth self preservation comes first, then preservation of your offspring.

I would just like to add that there does not have to be an actual risk of death for a pregnancy to threaten the mother's life. Having a kid can not just be inconvenient, it can thoroughly destroy your life in a very real sense. Is it right to ask a woman to turn her entire life around, put her aspirations and dreams on hold (possibly forever,) and force her to take on unwanted responsibility? What if the kid is 16, is it right to force her to carry the child and possibility destroy her entire existence in the process? How many of you women out there has this happened to? Yeah, I'm sure you love your children and wouldn't want it any other way. But there is that feeling that your life may have been vastly different if you made a different decision. Can you truly blame someone for making that choice?

Oh, you religious people don't think so? You think when the time comes to make this choice you'll selflessly stand up and choose to go through with it, even though the pregnancy may potentially kill or ruin you? Bullshit. Let's just look at a few statistics here (because once again, some of you dumbasses don't believe anything without a number behind it.) According to this site (The Center For Bioethical Reform, which is an Anti-abortion site, in case any of you think I'm being biased here) it looks like 37% of abortions are obtained by protestants and 31% by Catholics, and 18% by Evangelicals. If we combine these three groups under the umbrella of "Christians," which is what they are, that brings the total to 86%. Thus Christian women, the people who are telling us all not to get abortions, are in fact the people who get the vast majority of actual abortions. So what does this mean exactly? It means that going to church, voting Republican, and believing in God doesn't stop people from fucking. So apparently you're all just talk, because when it comes down to it most of you go "pro-choice" in an instant. You don't like the fact that people kill their unborn children, fine. Stop getting fucking abortions then. And don't go around saying it's the Godless atheist people who need help, because according to that very same site only 23% of women who get abortions describe themselves as such, way less than you religious people. Just another example of you hypocritical double-speaking bastards trying to force behavior on us that you don't follow yourselves.

They also say 43% of all women in the USA will have one by age 45. Hmmm... I've got a feeling that number should be up there towards 80%. Chances are you know two or three women who have had one, even a few in your very own family. Truth is we'll probably never know the exact numbers because of the damn stigma you religious people out there insist of attaching to abortion many women out there keep it a secret. Remember the only people who give a shit about this is YOU (the religious people,) you're the ones walking around holding the signs with the dead babies on them and throwing blood on people. Thanks a lot for all the fucking shame you assholes. Way to kick an emotionally defenseless woman when she's down. And you wonder why Church attendance is on the wane across the nation.

The truth is you can't stop it. Women have always done it, and they always will, whether it's legal or not. By making it illegal all you will do is force it underground and possibly ruin a few more lives in the process. Why do you think you religious people get so much opposition to all of your little political pet projects? Because it seems like everything you people are into, everything you want the rest of us to follow, anti-abortion, anti-gay rights, pro-blowing up the middle east, anti-environment, all of it seems to be directly involved in making life miserable for everyone. Well fuck that, we don't want to be miserable. We want to live in the land of the fucking free, where we don't have to listen to people like that, where we get to do what we fucking want, whenever we fucking feel like it. Isn't that what being FREE is all about, doing what you want when you feel like it? So stop standing in the way of freedom. Live how you want, make your own choice. We will leave you alone as long as you don't stick your hypocritical nose in our business.

Like that will ever happen.