Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Elections Make You Stupid

It's that time again. Time for you to turn off Halo 3, get up off your fat behind, put down the Kentucky Fried Chicken, and slog your disgusting self down to the school house to choose which thieving slimebag is going to rob us blind for the next four years. I love democracy.

Something I've noticed is that the reduction of the intelligence quotient of hardcore party supporters is directly related to the distance of election day. As that date grows closer people always tend to get stupider, regardless of their political affiliation. But I'm sure I'm not alone when I say as far as "stupid" goes, this election takes the cake.

I make no secret of the fact that I'm a lefty tree hugging pinko liberal, in fact I rather enjoy the label. But just becasue I'm a registered Democrat does not mean I just blindly follow and do what I'm told. Seems to me that liberals in general tend to hold their own people to a higher standard than Conservatives. We actually do things like protest against our own party, unlike the conservatives, who close their ears and vote for whatever sleazebucket that happens to have the big "R" next to their name. Not only that, but it seems that the closer the election gets, the more rediculous the claims conservatives tend to make about the other party.

It's standard procedure in American politics to make up total bullshit about your opponent. The lies and rumors don't actually convince anyone of who to vote for, people usually make up their minds in this regard far in advance of the election. What they do is allow people to justify in their minds as to why they're voting for someone they don't like by demonizing the other person. So you've already decided to vote for candidate A even though he's been busted for fraud and embezzlement, so you bullshit yourself into thinking it's ok by believing some total crap rumor that candidate B is a cannibal who eats babies. Whoever can get more people to bullshit themselves wins the election, that's how these things work.

But this time, oh man... we've entered fantasy land a long time ago. Since we now (thankfully) live in an environment where societal pressures make it taboo to not vote for someone becasue of their race (openly that is,) instead the slime attacks against Obama have taken on a very surreal xenophobic flavor. Here's a few things I've noticed:

- First and foremost, we have the "Obama is a closet Muslim" rumor. In forums and such, people always include his middle name when mentioning him. So it's always "Barrack HUSSIEN Obama," just to reinforce the idea that sometime in ancient fucking history, one of his ancestors might have worshiped the same God as you but in a funny dress five times a day.

- Of course, even though he's a Muslim, that doesn't stop him from having an radical Christian preacher that spouts anti-American things. Guess he's not much of a Muslim in the first place, huh?

By the way, we don't see much in the news about McCain's antisemite preachers, or Sarah Palin's speaking-in-tongues, God-wants-that-oil religious beliefs, do we? I mean we would, if the fucking McCain/Palin campaign would let the newsmedia actually talk to their supporters. So I guess fundamentalism in government is OK as long as it's YOUR fundamentalism?

- We have the "Obama's birth certificate is fake" rumor, even though it's been proved phony people keep bringing it back. I mean come on, does anyone really think the DNC would choose someone who isn't a citizen? Please.

- How about the "Obama cocaine and Gay sex" rumor? So if one jackass on Youtube makes a video, then it's automatically true? Get the fuck out of here.

- Or maybe the "Terrorist Fist Bump" fiasco. Yeah, that's really fair and balanced. What a fucking joke.

- Speaking of Terrorists, what about the "Obama is best buddies with convicted terrorist William C. Ayers" line? Oh yeah, he's really a terrorist. I mean, he was out there with Ayers bombing buildings when he was eight years old. Too bad Ayers is a respected tenured professor and a force in Illinois politics.

This is like saying, oh... I don't know... Bush is a Terrorist becasue he has business ties to the Bin Laden family.

My favorite rumor by far however is the "Obama is the Anti-Christ" line. So now not only are we voting for a secret-cocaine-snorting-radical-Christian except-he's-really-a-Muslim-gay-terrorist, he's also the spawn of Satan himself. Notice how all these dumbasses call him "The Messiah?" Wanna know why they do that? First off, becasue Rush Limbaugh calls him that. No link needed for that, just hit google. Second, it's to capitalize on the anti-Christ figure in Tim Lahay's Left Behind novels. Wow. Just, wow. You would think there couldn't possibly be anyone so fucking stupid as to actually pick this up, but you'd be wrong. Goddamn conservatives eat this shit up.

Yet despite all of these rediculous rumors, as of this writing (10/7/08) Obama is wiping the fucking walls with McCain. In some battleground states some of the polls put him ten or more points ahead. Seems like people are smarter than the GOP whisper campaigns are giving them credit for. One gets the feeling that these heaping helpings of sleaze are starting to backfire, especially when people like your own vice presidential candidate start repeating shit proved to be false nearly a year ago.

Sarah Palin... good gravy covered shitballs, where to start with that woman. I could go into all of the reasons why such a person is so completely not qualified to run our country, but I won't. What I will do is the one thing that other people will not do: Attack her becasue of her religion. That's right, the rest of the lefties are too PC to take this route. But since I'm on a blog with a readership that can be counted on one hand, I will do it for them.

Her religion is the reason she is not qualified to run the country. She's from the far, far right evangelical field. These are the kind of people that believe that any day now the trumpets will sound and suddenly they'll all disappear, leaving just a bundle of clothes behind (I've always thought it funny that heaven is supposed to be one big nudist colony.) She goes to a church that tries to "cure" gay people. She personally believes that Alaska itself will play some pivotal role in the end times.

Because people of her ilk are standing around, waiting for the world to end, that completely justifies in their mind any kind of pollution that commercial exploitation of our natural resources might entail. That's why Sarah Palin doesn't believe in Global warming and why she likes to fly around and shooting wolves and Polar bears from helicopters - becasue according to her, God is going to come back and put everything the way it was, so might as well use it in the meantime. Guess it doesn't matter that there's thousands of three legged frogs running around, or a continent sized Sargasso sea of plastic fucking bottles floating around in the Pacific. God will take care of all that, so go ahead and shoot those endangered red footed falcons. He'll make more when he gets here.

Not that any of these people would even understand the severe environmental damage we're facing, becasue that takes like, an understanding of science where dinosaurs didn't coexist with mankind 4000 years ago.

Most evangelicals blissfully ignore the corruption, fundamentalists, and anti-environment angles and focus on morality. True, she seems on the surface to practice what she preaches, like making her daughter marry the loser who knocked her up. But this shotgun wedding bescumbles the fact that Palin's unwed teenage daughter is having a baby in the first place. To us, the loony lefty liberals, teenage sex is not a big deal. But Palin and her ilk come from the Abstinence only crowd.

So what, may I ask, is her daughter, who by her own beliefs supposed to be celibate, doing with a bun in the oven in the first place? Sounds to me that such people practice that valued American tradition of saying one thing and doing another? Could it be that somebody is full of shit?

What else are these people lying to us about? Here's one - that everybody is responsible for their own financial situation. You know, the ol' "You're poor becasue it's your own fault" routine. This is the excuse they give us to cut funding to things like health clinics, welfare, and education for ghetto children. It's sprung out of some bullshit 13th century belief that God himself determines who is rich and who is poor based on faith alone. You hear that term "Wealth Redistribution" being thrown around, like it's some kind of South African land grab to provide people with food stamps.

Too bad when it really comes down to it such people don't seem to give a shit about financial responsibility, not when it comes to redistributing seven hundred billion of our dollars UPWARDS to the rich people who ripped us all off in the first place. Where's your fucking "fiscal Responsibility" talk now, huh? Never mind the fact that this republican administration took the only projected surplus in the last 40 years and turned it into the largest deficit in fucking American history. Guess that fiscally conservative shit doesn't matter when it comes to cutting a trillion tax dollars for the rich people, huh? Yet these same people turn around and accuse of of creating a "nanny state." It blows my mind.

That I think is the final mark against these people. Look at how fucked up our country is, with only 8 years of an evangelical in the white house. Do we truly want another one in charge, this one even more brainless than the last? Why is it people who believe in this religion are always so soulless? Regardless of what happens, The next president is going to face incredible challenges. It's a lose-lose situation for us: if McCain wins we spiral further downward into neocon oblivion, if Obama wins they just blame all the shit that goes wrong on him.

Years ago, when it started to look like Gore lost the election under shady circumstances, we, the progressive left, told you people this shit would happen to our county,but you dumbasses were too busy waving yellow flags around to notice. Now look what happened.

Good job assholes.