Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Ten Things I Fucking Hate part 13

1) Websites that have popup advertisements where the "OK" and "Cancel" buttons are switched around, so when you instinctively select "cancel" it redirects you to the sponsor website. Why do people do this shit? How does this crap even make you money? Like I'm ever going to buy anything from one of these popups. This shit should be illegal.

This also goes for any website that uses popup windows that try to trick you into selecting "Yes," and also sites that have automatic redirects that keep you from using the back button. Fuck any and all sites that do this stupid shit. Anyone caught running a website with this annoying crap should get shot in the face. No trial, no appeals, you just walk in and blow their fucking face off with a shotgun. Fuck those people.

2) People use the exit lane on the freeway to pass other cars: Seems like every single time I ever hit traffic there's one or two morons who are in such a freakin' hurry that they think they're saving two and a half seconds by getting into the exit lane, driving way up ahead at top speed, then slowing us all down again as they have to re-merge onto the freeway. You irrational impatient dumbfucks are just making it worse for the rest of us. It will all go faster if you just stay in your fucking lane. There should be a chip inside of everyone's car that whenever someone tries to do this crap it just makes their car explode.

3) Websites that split up an article into seventeen different pages just to get you to click through them all so they can bombard you with advertisements. Not only do I not ever click on anything or support sites like this in any way, I make it a point to avoid going to them as much as possible. Stop using stupid tricks to get views and work on your damn content you assholes.

4) Dumbasses who post "1st" as the first comment: What is this a fucking contest? Congradufuckinglations on being first you imbecile, your prize is me repeatedly slamming your penis in the front door while your innards are gored out by rabid wolverines on crack. God damn, don't you morons have anything better to do?

5) How a mouse never seems to work right on a Mac: Seems like everytime I'm forced to use a Mac whenever it comes to precise movements the mouse gets all sticky and jumpy. What the fuck Apple, a simple pointing device too much for you dumbasses? And why the hell doesn't it come with a mouse that has more than one button? Is two-button mouse technology too sophisticated for you dickheads? Fix your fucking computers you assholes.

6) The Annoying Orange: Who came up with this travesty? It's most inane idiotic unfunny bullshit I've ever seen. The shit is not funny, but every single annoying orange video has like fifty billion views. That's all it takes to entertain you simpletons, huh? Some dumbshit superimposes his mouth over a piece of fruit reciting unfunny bullshit, that's enough to make you idiots squirm with glee huh? Fuck the Annoying orange and everyone who watches it.

7) Kim Kardashian: Who the fuck is this person? What has she done exactly to make her so damn famous? Is she an actress? A model? Does she sing, or dance? No - she fucks famous people. That's her act - having sex with rich and famous men. It used to be that to get on television you used to have like, talent, and everything. You had to be able to act or something. This bitch can't do a god damned thing. She can't act, she can't sing, she can't even fucking talk, and truthfully she's not even that hot. Her talent is fucking rich celebrities. So now all you have to do to get a TV show is spread your legs to somebody else famous. Good fucking leaping jumping galloping Jesus on a shitcovered pogo stick. What the fuck has happened to my people?

8) Fred: The guy is fucking lame. Fuck Fred.

9) Professional tournament FPS game players: This is what happens when Jocks play video games. They start turning it into football. Whenever you take any activity and put money on the line it stops being about "fun" and starts turning into "work." It's all about winning to these fucking dipshits. When these retarded diseased bags of monkey anuses invade your server it quickly turns into an exercise in idiotic douchbaggery.

10) Oath Keepers: For those of you who don't know, the "Oath keepers" are a group of conservative police and soldiers in all branches of the military who have taken "oaths" to not follow any order that they deem breaks the Constitution. Sounds good, huh? In real life the Oath keepers are yet another in a long line of disturbing far right Christan wacko movements that have sprung up recently in reaction to a black man being president. Try reading any of their bullshit and you'll see it comes straight out of the paranoid Glenn Beck/Alex Jones house of idiotic far right religious conspiracy nutbaggery, and a lot of it is racist to boot.

Fucking Oath Keeprs...Where the fuck were you morons when Bush did away with Posse Comitatus, huh? Hey, did you know any of those soldiers who got fucking electrocuted while taking showers out there? Did you even say anything about that? What about when Hailburton buys a seventy thousand dollar truck but doesn't get an oil filter, and instead of replacing the oil filter just dumps it in a hole and burns it then calls it a loss and charges the taxpayers for another one? You motherfuckers let all this shit go on for years and years and years, but when suddenly a DEMOCRAT is in charge now all you morons become "Oath Keepers?" What about the fucking oath you took to uphold the Constitution when you first signed up? Guess that "oath" doesn't count when there's a Republican in charge, huh?

Fuck these people. These fucking wars need to end so these damn redneck fucks can go back to pumping gas and busing tables where they belong.