Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ten Things I Fucking Hate part 12

1) People who brag about being smart as children: Wow, you had a 140 IQ at twelve and went to a gifted school, huh? Well what the fuck happened? Why you workin' at this place? When did you go from being so smart and gifted to such a neurotic loser? Here's an idea, why don't you quit talking about how smart you USED to be and do something smart today, like shutting the fuck up?

2) Whole towns that ban smoking: Here's another disturbing fascist trend going around this country, entire towns that ban smoking outside within X number of feet of any public building. I can understand banning it inside of places. I can understand restaurants and such not allowing smoking on their patios. But to not allow smoking, when a person is outside, in an entire town? Give me a fuckin' break. I quit smoking a year ago, and let me tell you I'm happy becasue this shit is getting out of hand. Pretty soon we'll be throwing these people in prision and hooking up car batteries to their testicles for buying a carton of Luckys. There are far more important things out there to worry about.

3) American Remakes of recent Asian movies: First we had The Ring remake, then The Grudge, then The Eye, now there's an American remake of the Host coming soon. Problem is all of the Asian originals of these movies are rather recent. I can understand remaking a movie that's several decades old, but why remake a movie that just came out? Why not just dub or sub the one that's already there, why take the extra expense of buying the rights and refilming it? It's pretty racist if you think about it - These studios that are slogging out these substandard remakes think I'm more likely to want to see these movies just becasue there are white people in them. Fuck that shit.

4) Chickenshit Myspace and thier bending-over-backwards legal team: Couldn't help but notice that Myspace has started blocking widgets. Thanks assholes. Thing is there's no particular law being broken by using such players, chances are You would think that now that Myspace is owned by a gigantic worldwide media megaconglomerate with billions of dollars behind it that they would be able to stand up to pissant legal threats like this. But you would be wrong.

5) Embedded text in Youtube videos: So now not only do I have to slog through badly made music videos and failed viral youtube poop bullshit, I also have to contend with big ugly gray boxes taking up half the viewable area at the same time. Who's bright idea was this shit? It's not like the video isn't three inches across in the first place. Let's make it so I can't see even more of what's going on. Good idea dumbasses.

I also notice there's those little sub banner ads on youtube videos now. They don't just appear for a few seconds, it'll popup and just hang out for the whole damn video, forcing you to break concentration and actually click to turn the annoying shit off, but they make the "x" all small and shit on purpose so you accidentally click on the advert and get redirected...Ugh... fuck Youtube.

6) The United States government and everyone in it: Wow, just noticing NOW after 8 years how fucked up everything is? So all you nincompoops just turned a blind eye to the criminal cabal that's been ripping us off and shredding the constitution for the majority of the last decade? Fact is anyone who worked in any government agency during the Bush era has been complacent in the face of corruption.

Yes, all of them, every last one of them - all the bureaucrats, congressional aids, soldiers, FBI agents, CIA spooks, park rangers, social workers, engineers, plumbers, mailmen, everyone - they are all guilty to some degree of turning the other way while the Bush people fucking destroyed everything. You know what you do when the people you work for do unscrupulous things? You quit. You separate yourself from them. If you're a dockworker, and the company you work for is smuggling cocaine inside of teddy bears, and you don't quit after finding this out, then when they get busted you go down with them. Now our government is starting to unravel, shit is falling apart. All of you people who kept your heads down and followed orders are going down with it. If you morons would have stood up in 2001 when the Bush people stole the election and everyone knew it we wouldn't be in this mess. Yes, I am still bitter about that. You should be too, becasue right now we're reaping the result of that fiasco.It's embarrassing, and it's shameful that no one is going to do a goddamned thing about it.

Thank God it's finally over. Thank God someone who actually like, got the majority of votes has actually been elected. You know, DEMOCRACY.

7)People who get pissed off when you let other people cut in line: The other day I went to a bagel place to get me some breakfast. There was a big huge line as usual. When I got to the front, a little old lady came up and politely asked me if she could cut in line and get a small coffee, as she was in a hurry. However before I could say anything some Jerkoff nincompoop got all squeaky and arrogant, gave me that "Excuse me, but we've all been waiting" line. Seems to me lately that the only people who get mad at this kind of thing are arrogant white people, usually young, make too much money and somehow thing they deserve special treatment. The kind of people who have never ever ever had to actually want for anything. I marched right up to that goofy big-nosed asshole and drop kicked him right in the face, rolled into a flying power bomb and finished him off with a DDT to his nutsack, then kicked him in his stupid head and burned his house down.

Then in real life, the old lady went to back away after Squeaky-asshole man stuck his big nose in, but I made sure to say rather loudly "I don't care what that guy thinks" and not only let her line, I also offered to buy her coffee for her (of which she steadfastly refused.) Squeaky looked angry but was too chickenshit to say anything - he was obviously not used to someone calling his bluff. The world would be a better place if people would stand up to assholes like that more often.

8) People who buy stupid shit: A co-worker of mine pointed out to me an online store that sold toothpaste with industrial grade diamonds in them. As if someone out there had a mouth crusty enough that the only way they could possibly clean it was to scrub them with diamonds. Freakin' DIAMONDS, for crissakes. Consequently this toothpaste cost $24.50.

Whenever I see stupid crap like this I always hope it becomes the next big thing. I hope these diamond toothpaste peddlers sell millions upon millions of them, so that millions of people out there grind off the top layer of tooth enamel and lacerate the fuck out of their gums and then sue the living shit out of these toothpaste fuckers. Then maybe, just maybe, some of those morons will learn to stop buying stupid shit.

9) Conservatives - Every last one of them: I couldn't help but notice that all you conservative shitheads seem obsessed with two things:

1. Socialism

2. Weapons

A real funny thing that's happened since the election last year is that sales of guns and ammo have gone off the freakin' scale. It's almost like since there's a black man in charge now who just happens to have a big "D" in front of his name all you slack jawed yokels suddenly think the New World order is gonna finally have you peeling potatoes in those bus termina- I mean concentration camps.

So let me get this straight, exactly:

- Drops the Ball on 9-11
- Starts two wars, fucks up both of them
- Spends a trillion dollars on said wars, kills over 1,000,000 people (or a mere hundred thousand, if you're a conservative. Like that's any better.)
- Takes away Habeas Corpus
- Takes away Posse Comitatus
- Starts a whole new department of Homeland security
- Throws people (including American Citizens) into secret prisons, without trial
- Vice President runs an assassination squad
- Katrina = teh fail
- Spying on American citizens, then lying about it
- Begins a new arms race with his rediculous fictional Star Wars anti-missile system.
- Takes a perfectly good projected surplus and turns it into the largest National Debt in American history
- Fails to regulate wallstreet when Enron goes under.
- Stands by in his lame duck term and does jack shit while the financial markets implode

You: No problem, everything's cool!


- Bails out the financial and Auto industry, has the audacity to spend money on things other than banks.


It's just so fucking embarrassing...

10) Adobe Reader: Can we make this slow buggy piece of shit hog more of my system resources? I don't think it makes my computer slow down enough. Like when it totally takes over my system during it's twenty minute update installation cycle. You know, that thing that other programs can do in like two minutes. Maybe we can make it totally lock up my system for days at a time. It's not like I'm actually doing you know, work or anything.