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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

God damn I hate Apple


You know, Steve Jobs just recently died, and I know whenever an important person like him passes on everyone who used to talk shit suddenly likes to say what a great and important man he was, how he changed the world, blah blah blah blah blah, and so on. Well I don’t know much about Steve Jobs, I’m sure he was a nice person, but that doesn’t change the fact that everything Apple makes is a difficult to use slow-ass piece of shit.  I know that he personally didn't design and program every single product Apple has ever put out, but still, the Apple brand just sucks ass.

For example – the Ipad. I had to use one to test a website at work recently. Part of that entails opening up excel, Power Point, and PDF files which can be downloaded from the site. However the ability to open these types of files is not present innately with the Ipad, you have to buy an app for that, which is bullshit but whatever. They have to make money somehow.

Problem number one: Unlike every other pad/laptop/computer type thing in existence, with the Ipad one cannot just go to any website, see a compatible application you like, then download it. You have to go through the goddamned Itunes store in order to buy/download any apps for it. Some people may argue it’s because Apple wants to have control over what is installed on your Ipad for quality reasons, but that’s total horseshit. The real reason they force it this way is so they can make money off of every app you download.

Another thing many people don’t think about, is that if all 3rd party apps must be installed in this manner, then Apple has a record of what everyone has installed on their Ipads, correct? Normally I don’t really give a shit when companies keep these kinds of profiles on me (what are they gonna do, send me targeted advertisements that I’m just going to instantly ignore anyway?) but Apple is just really blatant behind it. Long story short, I don’t like the short leash they have on their customers when it comes to things you are and are not allowed to install on your Ipad/Ipod/Iphone that you paid for with your money. If I own it, then I should be able to fill it with porn and viruses and spyware if I feel like it. It's mine, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.

So anyway, I open up the Itunes to search for an app, but since the Ipad is owned by my work, it’s not tied to anyone’s account, so I have to enter in my own personal account. That takes fifteen minutes of fanagaling around different menus trying to figure out where exactly I log in for it. After I finally figure that shit out I am now ready to browse through apps.

“Oh look!” I say to myself. “Here’s one that opens up everything I need!”

It’s $39.95.

“Fuck that shit.” I say.

After another half hour of flipping through apps, I find one that opens all of the exports I need for 99 cents. That’s more like it. Now All I need do is purchase and we’re on our way.

Problem Number two: The stupid fucking Itunes store doesn’t accept Paypal for some dumbass reason, credit card only. What the hell Apple? For a company that takes pride in being light-years ahead of the competition it doesn’t make a lot of sense to not have any on-line payment options beyond entering a credit card. Yes I had a credit card, that’s not the point. The point is it’s fucking retarded.

So anyway, I have logged on to Itunes, tied my account to the Ipad (which I hope is reversible, seeing how the pad belongs to my work and not me,) searched for, found, and paid for an app. All of this shit has taken an hour so far. Please keep in mind I’m at work doing all this. So now the app is finally installing. “This shouldn’t take more than a few minutes” I think.

Problem Number three: The piece of shit Ipad can't even install it's own apps correctly. Twenty minutes later, an error message pops up which says to the effect of “Your app has installed incorrectly. Please synch with itunes to complete installation.” What? After twenty minutes of waiting for the shit to download I have to synch it up and do it all over again? “Naw,” I said to myself. “That can’t be it. This has to be some kind of security thing, or something.” So I synch the Ipad up to my computer. Sure enough, something went wrong with the download, and I have to do it all over again.

Another twenty minutes of sitting on my ass waiting for this piece of shit to download ensues. During this time my boss asks how far along I am with the website testing. Thanks a lot Apple. After what seems like an eternity, the app finishes downloading and installing. Finally, and I am ready to test this stupid website.

I download a file to excel.

It doesn’t even fucking work.

Two hours have now passed since I began this little quest to simply download and install an app on this Ipad thing. On my PC, if I want to install something, all I have to do is go to the website where it’s available, download/or purchase the application (of which most of the time if it’s not free to begin with, you can pay with freakin’ paypal,) install the shit, and we’re good to go – ten, fifteen minutes max. For this piece of shit I had to tie my account to the stupid Ipad, search for an app that didn’t cost an arm and a leg, pay with a fucking credit card, wait twenty minutes for the shit to download, then when it fucks up wait another twenty minutes for it to download again, all to find out it doesn’t fucking work in the first place.

Why Apple, why? Why don’t you allow people to just install whatever they want on their Ipads? Why do you force people to use Itunes to install crap? Why don’t you give the option to use Paypal? Why does it fucking take so fucking long to fucking download and fucking install? Why is everything Apple makes such a slow-ass difficult-to-use buggy piece of shit?

God damn, I hate you Apple.