Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Ten Things I Fucking Hate Part 10

1)Overpriced health food stores - Why is it when you go to a "healthy" grocery store like Whole Foods or Trader Joes, everything you buy is twice as small and costs three times as much? I can understand fruit and vegetables, but soap? Canned soup? Crackers? Screw these places.

2) Anti-trendy people who think they define the counter culture - The idea that the music you listen to or how you dress makes you "cool" is pretty lame, but some people never seem to outgrow this attitude. For example, everyone respects Marylin Manson for his highly intelligent views on various issues, yet no one will be caught dead actually listening to his music for fear of looking like a "poser." Same deal with these "pure" death metal people who refuse to listen to anything with electronic instruments (keyboards, samples, etc.) You would think most people would outgrow this baloney once they grow up and start working for a living, but they don't. Such hypocritical, immature, shallow, illogical bullshit. Like what you listen to means jack shit to anyone, or ever really did in the first place.

3) Women who get drunk and all flirty but the next day become all embarrassed and stand offish - If I didn't respect women like 99% of all other males out there I would probably get laid way more often.

4) Flash based web advertisements that open up and cover the whole screen - Since they're flash based they usually get past the pop-up blocker. Then they make the "X" to turn them off all small and in the wrong place, so half the time you accidentally click the ad itself and get redirected. There otta be a law.

5) People who parrot shit they read on reactionary blogs like it actually means something: So many examples of this, so many... One thing I hear all the time is that "Liberals lack substantive thought" in their arguments. What the hell do these bastards mean by this particular piece of doublespeak anyway? What, like a thought that "means nothing?" Bullshit. Here's what a non-substantive thought looks like:

khsdfk; lkadjfkljd ienfkn ke'ofieflds dkfasdlie Bitch.

In real life this term was first uttered by fat-ass conservative shitbag and drug addict Rush Limbaugh, and the fact that every two bit trailer trash racist out in Internet land repeats it over and over shows who's really lacking in substantive thought. Here's a substantive thought: Go fuck yourself.

6) When you wash your car and a bird shits on it the next day - I realise there is a problem when a random act of nature compels me to scream obscenities out loud to no one in particular, but goddammit I just washed this thing. Fucking birds.

7) When the girl you never stopped loving a few years back dumps her current boyfriend and comes back to visit and you know something could happen if you just had the chance, but then she goes back to northern California and gets another boyfriend within three weeks: You know, I've pretty much surrendered to the fact that I'll never ever be with this girl, but dammit it still sucks...

8) When all the collectibles you spent the last decade accumulating are practically worthless - I enjoy status in a small subspecies of geekdom, that of "collector" (or Comic book geek, whichever you prefer.) Right now I'm in the process of cleaning out all of my superfluous possessions (comics, games, etc.) It's astounding how much crap you can accumulate over a lifetime. However it seems like all the junk I want to get rid of is worthless, and the things I do have that are worth something happen to be things I want to hang onto for other reasons. You just can't win sometimes.

9) When you're the only one of your friends who has a real job: No one can hang out on Friday night because they're all working, and when they do have time off it's during regular business hours. No I can't go see your band perform at two in the afternoon on Tuesday. Can I help it if I work at a place that pays more than minimum wage?

10) Websites that redirect you back when you try to navigate away from them: Out of all the annoying shit out there in badly-designed website land I despise this the most. You all know what I'm talking about - You go to a web page, see that what you want is not there, then as you hit the back button the website automatically redirects you to their own home page, forcing you to either open a whole new browser window or rapidly hit the back button to try and get past it. I refuse to patronise any site with this bullshit feature, and anyone who implements it in their site deserves nothing less than death. Instant death in the most painful way imaginable.