Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Ten Things I Fucking Hate Part 11

1) Programs that change your preferences without asking you - For instance, how Itunes, wmp, or most other media players automatically assume you want to use them to play all your media files. Fuck Itunes.

2) People who use lolspeak outside of video games: Lolspeak, L337 sp33k, "gamer talk," or whatever, is generally used inside of multiplayer games where you have to type in order to communicate quickly. Used in the proper environment (i.e. in game,) it's perfectly acceptable. But outside this environment it's just plain silly. Look at this:

Random thread from Gamefaqs that illustrates my point perfectly

I can't even read that crap, and I won't even try. It makes my head hurt. What is disturbing is that over time our normal, ordinary language is going to be supplanted with this incoherent bullshit. People already use the words "download," "upgrade," "noob," and even "lol" in real ordinary life, Usually in context that has nothing to do with what the terms actually mean, i.e. "I upgraded my sandwich to a combo." You get free tech support with that sandwich too?

Stop that stupid shit, noobs.

3) Those little banner ads that companies put at the bottom of Television shows now. It's bad enough that 8 1/2 minutes of every half hour TV show is normal commercials already, now they even insert them while the damn show is still on the air. It targets people who have DV recorders who just skip the commercials. God damn I hate TV.

4) People who complain too much about gas prices: What's the matter, just now noticing that gasoline seems to double in price every few years? Didn't think about that when you bought that gigantic gas guzzling Hummer shit-mobile? Yeah, I'm really crying for you. It's not like this oil peak baloney is old news. We've only been talking about it for the last eight years. Maybe now you'll listen to us when we tell you to stop believing what the government and news corporations tell you.

People continue to buy these gigantic trucks and tanks and shit becasue they want to be cute and stick it to the environmentalists. I saw a Hummer on the freeway with the bumper sticker "Piss off a Liberal - Buy American," thereby making the assumption that real Americans drive 27-ton penis compensators. Yeah, I'm real pissed. If you like giving oil companies your money, by all means go right on ahead. Have fun paying $150 every three days to fill up that piece of shit.

5) People who think life revolves around Movie franchises: Look, just shut up about how much Star Wars sucks already. Yes, we understand the old trilogy is a fantastic masterpiece and the new trilogy is a tragic load of suck. We understand that George Lucas has lost his marbles and should be committed before he ruins anything else. We get it already. Now Please go out and find something more important for your life to be about. Feed the homeless. Plant a tree. Cure Cancer. Invent something. Find something, anything. Just please don't allow yourself to die so pathetic.

6) Apologetics who undermine other people's religions by pointing out scientific inaccuracies yet deny it when the same inaccuracies are in their own holy works. Let's face it folks, religion is not scientifically accurate. None of them are. That's why it's called Religion, and not science. You're not doing your own religion a favor by pointing out how unscientifically sound someone's else's religion is, becasue it begs the question of how well your own holy book holds up under the microscope - not well. Truth is the religious texts for our three main Abrahamic religions were written thousands of years ago, and as thus each expresses an understanding of the universe from their respective cultures. When compared with science each one fails to reach the bar. Yes, your religion does too. So please, stop trying to use your scientific "facts" to disprove someone else's religion. You're only making yourself look bad.

7) People who drive yellow cars with racing stripes: Guess all you need to do in order to sell cars is make a movie about your cars turning into giant robots, huh? How many of you dumb motherfuckers ran out and bought yourself a yellow Camaro with racing stripes after watching that stupid ass movie? Hey, if the main guy had yellow racing stripes tattooed on his buttcheeks would you brainless unimaginative mouthbreathers do that too? Are product placements in movies really that effective? So all I have to do to make you fruitcakes buy something is put it in a damn movie with robot soda machines and transforming Motorolas an' shit?

What's really sad is the guy who couldn't afford a Camaro, so instead paints his old hunk of crap Mazda yellow with racing stripes to try to make it look like he's driving a Transformer. That's like wearing fake gold, or having Wood paneling on the side of your car. Everyone knows the shit is fake, you're only fooling yourself.

It just doesn't make any sense to me. Since when did people base their entire lives over what they see in the fucking movies? When Silence of the Lambs came out did people start eating Fava beans with a nice Chianti and making that slurping sound all the time? When Pulp Fiction came out did everyone start shooting up smack and quoting bible verses? Did Samsung sell a billion Phones after the Matrix?

Oh wait, they did.

God damn you people are stupid.

8) When you're out with friends at a restaurant and no one will allow you to pay for anything. Thanks I appreciate it, but I have money too. You're making me feel cheap, Let me pay once in a while.

9) People who sell roms, hacks, protos, or other game related material that can be found for free like they're rare collectibles - One of the small sub segments of dorkdom I am happy to associate with are people who collect unreleased prototypes and early builds of games. Most of the people who are into this sort of thing are programmers and collect such material because of it's "educational" value, becasue what you get is usually still chock full of bugs and for the most part isn't playable. Once in a while though a game will make it nearly to retail before getting canned, a famous example being Half-Life or Propeller Arena for the Dreamcast, or Thrill Kill for the Ps1. Some of these games eventually get leaked and can be downloaded for free across various sites (some of them even legal :)

Problem is there's always some unscrupulous bottom-feeding dirtbag who burns a copy of said leaked rom, slaps together some off the shelf artwork and Ebays it as a "rare unreleased proto." Same shit with these assholes who burn a and sell full discs of Roms and emulators, it just muddies the hobby for the rest of us. True one shouldn't get too mad at scammers, becasue is it wrong to rip those off who are so eager to hand you their hard earned money? No, the reason they piss me off is the principal involved. These people are taking the labor of someone else and profiting off it. Just like some slimy crackbucket on the corner selling bootleg DVDs of a movie that's still showing in the theater across the street, these shitbags have no qualms about grifitng off the backs of others. Just goes to show, there's maybe 5% of the human population who actually creates everything so the other 95% can rip each other off.

10) Social networking Surveys: More inane bullshit that I'm not wasting my time with anymore. This is one of those ideas who's time has come and gone. I'm sure a few years ago when all these social networking sites that people use now instead of a real social life were the bees knees, filling out a few of these surveys might, maybe, occasionally, sometimes, once in a blue moon be a fun time waster. But as time goes on they just get more and more inane. It would help if they weren't all written by pre-teen girls. I'm not taking them, I'm not reading them, I'm not even looking at them anymore. I don't care when the last time you cried was or what kind of sandwich you ate yesterday or if you've ever cheated on a test, and I don't think I'm the only one. Is there anyone out there who actually pays attention to this bullshit? These surveys are distracting me from finding compromising semi-naked pictures of hot female acquaintances who's profiles I check but who I've only met a few times in real life. You know, the real reason we use these sites.