(Originally Posted on Hawanja.com on 9/1905)
1) Celebrities that think since they're rich or good looking that they like matter: I hate celebrities, I hate celebrities, I fucking hate celebrities. Just because you've cut a shitty record or were in a couple of dumb ass movies now I'm supposed to do everything you say? Fuck you.
2) Internet whores: When you spend the better part of the day sitting there mindlessly flipping through links yet absorbing nothing you are essentially circumventing what the internet is intended for. It's supposed to be interactive, meaning you're supposed to be doing shit while you're on it. You know, like talking to people and learning stuff. Not sitting there like a dumbass, staring blankly at low res titties and flaming noobs in forums. You're treating it like it's TV.
3) Body Odor: I never really noticed until recently that most people really do seriously smell awful. There's this one guy at my work we call "Hot Garbage," because he smells like somebody microwaved a hefty sack of refuse. Seriously people, how can you not notice that you smell like total shit? Goddamn, it's called deodorant.
4) Fools who get stupid tattoos: When you are ninety you are going to feel like a dumbass. It's cool with me if looking like a circus freak is your thing. But please, but a little bit of thought into it before you blindly get that tat of Marge Simpson with her vagina where your bellybutton is.
Actually, it's not cool with me. You're fucking stupid.
5) When the cable company plays commercials for the service that you're watching the commercial on: I use Adelphia, because cable companies are one of the few left that have a legal monopoly. Well, except technically they don't have a monopoly because now you can get a satellite dish. So what do I see now every five minutes on my Cable TV, the service I pay $40 a month for? I see commercials for the exact same service I currently pay for. Hey assholes, if I'm seeing this commercial it means I'm already using your service. So what's the fucking point?
6) Women with children who think since they carry this shitmachine around with them then they deserve some kind of special treatment: Look, not my fault your ass forgot to pull out. Now I gotta put up with your bullshit all day. Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you get to drive like a maniac or act like a bitch at the grocery store. Fuck you and your kid.
7. The Verizon wireless "Can you hear me now?" Guy: Goddamn I hate commercials. And nice corporatizing the peace symbol there.
8. Cops who pull you over and lie about it: The other day I got pulled over for not having a front licence plate. Bool-sheeet. Not having a front licence plate is like not signaling to turn when you're in the turning lane, it's such a minor offense that most cops don't even bother. The truth is he pulled me over because it was an opportunity. Look, I know it's your job to find psychos and terrorists and such and I support that, just don't bullshit me.
9. Angry white people who can't wait in line like everybody else: A little story here: I went to a Shlockbuster last week to get a couple of movies. It was Friday night so the place was packed. People in line were starting to get impatient. You know that Frankenstein mentality people get when waiting in line, people start talking shit about how this place sucks and this is why they never come here anymore, yet nobody can explain why they all happened to end up here at the same time or why the line isn't long enough for them to just leave. People like to delude themselves into thinking they have important shit to do. Of course that important shit involves renting fucking movies. I didn't see any of those assholes trying to cure cancer on Friday night.
Anyway, the guy at the front was busting his ass to go as fast as he could. Anyone who's ever worked retail knows you can't just take the customer's money and throw them out the door. They make you do all kinds of other bullshit too, like mention current special deals going on, trying to upsell, etc. That's what working at places like a video store entail, you know, making money for the place and everything. And if you don't do this to every fucking person the boss gets on your ass about it. Anyone who's ever been a clerk knows the drill. That's why they always have kids work these kinds of jobs, because kids put up with all kinds of bullshit that no self respecting person with an education would subject themselves to. And for minimum wage to boot. So anyway I felt sorry for the guy and tried to not get pissed off about waiting fifteen minutes in line. I'm not curing cancer on Friday night either.
So, after about ten minutes this arrogant white lady starts getting all pissy, starts complaining all loud, pissing people off, yelling at the guy to hurry it up. People around her were starting to get very uncomfortable. To make it worse she cuts in front of everyone to bitch this poor clerk out, forces him to take a guy off a break to come out and help her sorry ass so SHE gets to rent her movies in front of everyone else. Then this fucking arrogant cuntbag pulls the "I'm gonna call the corporate office" bullshit, rips the guy's nametag off and demands her rentals for free.
She pissed me off so much that I couldn't take it anymore, so I just walked up behind her and kicked her in the back of the head. Her fat arrogant ass fell like a sack of rice. Then I ground my elbow into her eyesocket. Then I paid for my movies and left while she was still flailing around like a headless fish. The poor clerk looked up at me with tears of "Thank you!" in his eyes.
It seems to be only white baby boomers who think acting like this in public is acceptable behavior. Those kinds of people who've gotten everything they've ever wanted their whole lives, and think the sole reason they exist entitles them to special treatment. I fucking hate my parent's generation.
We should kill them all.
10. Rodents: I don't hate rodents because they're creepy, disease ridden, filthy, or make me cry like a little girl (which they do.) I hate them because they are incredibly, deviously intelligent. Anyone who's had to deal with rats in their house knows how smart those little motherfuckers are. That is why they frighten me, because they know I know I'm onto their plan for world domination. The rodents have to be stopped before it's too late.
Agree with #6 - "Golden Uterus Syndrome". Pregnant people that feel they are entitled to everything. They aren't the first and they certainly aren't the last woman to ever gift birth. Having a baby doesn't require a Phd. They need to get over themselves.
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