Since there is so much shit that I hate in the world I have decided to make a list:
1) When people write the word "with" as a w and a slash: Example: " I like my weenies w/mustard, I got mad because I hat to eat my weenies w/horseradish." How much time are you possibly saving? Just write "with."
2) People who treat their dogs like they are real human beings: You ever see some lady baby talking to her mutt like it's her stupid child or something? "Oh woogie woogie wanna wittle doggy woggy snack? Yes he does, yes he does!" Lady, it's a dog. It is not a small child. The dog has no idea what you are saying to it. You could be telling it that you're going to anal rape it with a plunger and it'll still wag it's tail at you. And while I'm at it people who kiss their dogs on the mouth totally make me sick. Your dog does not know anything about oral hygiene. He probably just got finished drinking out of the toilet. Now he is licking you on the mouth. That's just straight nasty.
3) When somebody has that little it of spittle in the corner or their mouth but doesn't know it: Please wipe that shit off.
4) Old hippies: Look man, the 60s are OVER. The revolution is not going to happen. Your generation sold the rest of us out a long time ago, and the only reason people like you are allowed to continue to exist is to show the rest of us what went wrong. Get a job. Take a bath. Take off that Grateful Dead shirt and get a stupid haircut before the rest of your hair falls out. It is not too late to get a life.
5) Dan, the Dell taco guy: Where the hell did they find this bozo? I can picture the board meeting: "Okay, I want the wimpiest, cheesiest, most homo-erotic little simpleton we can possibly find to be our new commercial guy." Dan, give it up. You make me equate eating tacos with FAG.
6) Rich ladies who think that since they own all this expensive shit then they own you too: Look lady, just because you've got an expensive watch and drive a car worth more than my house does not mean you are part of some super-class of citizen that somehow is born with the right to treat the rest of us like slaves. The fact that you're rich does not mean you can complain all the time, cut in front of people in traffic or take up all the clerk's time at the grocery store. Some of us might work in a place where we have to serve the general public, like a restaurant, store, or (gasp!) coffee shop, and those who do know the kind of person I am talking about.
7) Rich people who have all this money but act all cheap all the time: I know you didn't get rich by paying top dollar for everything, but you made it. You can relax now. You don't have to clip coupons to save a dime on a fifty nine cent can of cat food. You can afford it.
8) Old Punk Rockers: These people are even worse than old hippies. There's noting more pathetic than some guy in this mid forties with a Mohawk and nipple rings. In fact, anyone over the age of 21 should shave that shit off and get a job. You can party all you want when you are young but you will not be a kid forever. One of the central tenants of a punk rock life is taking responsibility for your actions and what effect they have on the world around you. That is the reason punks started getting Mohawks and tattoos in the first place, they were intended to piss off the square-mainstream-conservative-moral majority-people. But that shit is over with now. Punk died twenty years ago. It is not shocking anymore. When you see Chicken Mcnuggets thrashing around to the Ronald McDonald hardcore band in celebration of the new McPunky chicken sandwich it means that the mainstream has effectively bought and sold your image. It means it's time to change. It means that if your hardcore band you started ten years ago still doesn't have a manager and is still playing the same club with the same people coming every week, then chances are you are not going to make it. It means it's time to quit bitching when all the normal people stare at you when you walk down the street. But this time they are not staring at you because you are shocking them; They are staring because you are lame.
9) People who put too many goddamm exclamation marks at the end of a sentence: Instead of "Wow!" they have to write it like "WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Give me a break. What could possibly be so exciting? Also, when people put more than one question mark is annoying. Sometimes they mix them with exclamation points as well, like "Hey, why did you ram this pole into my head !?!?!?" Well, which one is it? Are you excited or just asking me a question?
10) White guys who act and dress like black guys: You are just making yourself look stupid. You were not born in the ghetto, you do not hang with your homies in the 'hood. You are just exploiting a fashionable stereotype. But that fact that you are a white man who is indulging in the culture of people who were oppressed by white men turns you into a farcical pantomime of what the black culture expresses. This is not to say that hip hop isn't a musical genre that embraces multiculturalism, because it is. Hip hop is perhaps the most open and adaptable musical movement in the history of mankind. There is room enough in hip hop for people of all colors, religions, and cultural backgrounds. But you notice that Latinos who are into hip hop don't act like black people, nor do Asians, or people of Middle Eastern decent. It's only the white guys who go all crazy with it, get the expensive five point "O," buy the three hundred dollar basketball shoes, and say shit like "ah'right?" I'm sure many black people look at some honkey nincompoop wearing an NWA jacket and a Raiders hat on to the side and laugh their asses off. You have become the butt of their jokes. Please turn the hat around the right way, fool. You are White, you are not Black. You do not have enough soul. You never will.
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