Saturday, August 28, 2004

Four Assholes Who Are Famous But Shouldn't Be

( Note: When this list was posted it originally included Anna Nicole Smith among the perpetrators. Due to her sudden tragic death - which was not far from what I predicted - her entry has been removed on account that read in today's climate it's in extremely bad taste. I still think she was useless.)

There are some people out there who deserve fame and fortune. What most people don't realise is that it takes a lot of hard work to excel at your chosen field so much that you acquire celebrity status, be that acting, singing, entertainment,sports, or whatever. And the loving adoration of fans is the least we can do to appreciate the talents of such people.

However there are some out there who somehow have apparently managed to forgo the traditional road to fame and fortune, people who just happen to be rich and/or famous and nobody can remember how they got there. Be it through money, connections, or selling their soul to Satan, these people are a blight on the American celebrity subculture. They should all be destroyed, or worse, ignored until they go away.

I think Joan Rivers epitomizes what I'm talking about here. Who exactly is she again? What did she do to get famous? Was she an actress? Singer? Did she invent something? What exactly does she do? I think she had a talk show for about five minutes fifteen years ago. Now all she does is stand by while other disgusting rich people waddle their way into the oscars and comments on who's wearing the skimpiest clothing. Like if Kermit the Frog turned into an old Jewish woman, that's Joan Rivers.

First off anyone named "Paris" is a bitch, straight out. Second, what the hell did she do to get famous besides star in a badly done amateur porn video? The bitch doesn't even know how to give head decently and suddenly she's on every goddamn channel? So all you have to do to get your own TV show is be rich and play hide the salami with a camcorder in the room? A perfect example of the idle rich, a no-talent disgusting pseudo-aristocrat who uses her wealth and her body to get fame she couldn't acquire otherwise. No doubt soon she'll star in some stupid ass movie.

Another Stupid broad, who's claim to fame seems to be that she's smart as a box of rocks. How did it become an admirable thing to be a thick-headed nincompoop? Yeah she's hot as fuck, but one day Jessica Simpson is going to get old. Her boobs will droop, her ass will expand, her toes will yellow. Who's going to remember her then? She's a flash in the pan movie of the week, and frankly it's time to turn the channel. Fuck Jessica Simpson.

A goofy baldy-headed asshole, who just happens to have a gazillion dollars so for some reason that means he gets to be on the cover of people magazine every week. Yeah he's got more money than I'll ever see in my entire life, even on TV. Yeah he's probably done more cool and exciting shit and banged tons of hot chicks and will probably die fat and happy and content having done everything he's ever wanted. But that's no reason to be famous. He's not a singer, actor, entertainer, sports hero, writer, politician, or personality, in fact he doesn't have much of a personality. He's an investment banker. Wow, that's some exciting shit. You ever see Donald Trump try to read from a script? He might be rich, but that's all there is to him. He's an icon, the guy we poor people look at and think "If that dickhead and do it, so can I." But if being rich means I have to look like Donald Trump I'd rather stay poor. Look at his ass. he's a fucking robot. And goddammit ditch the toupee already, get some hair implants. You have a billion dollars, you can afford it.

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