Ten Things I Fucking Hate 6

1) Harry Potter: I have never read a Harry Potter book, and I never will. I instinctively know that it sucks. Any book where the main character plays basketball on a broomstick sucks automatically. I suppose if I was ten years old I might be interested, but I'm not, so I won't. Don't try to send me e-mail pleading poor Harry's case -I don't care. You're right, I am a closed minded asshole. Now move out of your parent's basement and get a job.

2) Ingrown toenails: Proof enough that mankind evolved; No God in his right mind would desgin us with such a pain-in-the-ass flaw.

3) People who make out in movies: I didn't pay $9.50 to watch you tounge fuck your ugly girlfriend.

4) Inflation: I hate being poor.

5) Hamsters: More proof that evolution is true. I used to work in a pet store- part of my job was to clean rodent cages. Thing is the guy who ran the store was a cheap ass and used these heavy brick-feeder dishes that he got in bulk for like 2 1/2 cents each. What happens is that the hampster digs under the dish, which slowly crushes it to death. Next day I clean the cage and find a hamspeter flat as a pancake. I have no doubt that if hampsters had not developed into this evoltionary dead end they would have rose up and taken over the world millions of years ago.

Pluse they smell. Fuck Hampsters.

6) When the girl you love dumps her fiancee and gives you hope that you might have a chance, but in fact was just using you for emotional baggage and decides to still marry somebody else: Oh, who knows what her problem is...

7) When you're trying to write shit for your website but then friends show up and you have to like, talk to them: I hate that shit.

8) Okra: More proof of evoltion. No God in his right mind would make a vegetable that tastes so bad. Stew it, deep fry it, bake it, broil it, slap it repeatedly with a slab of meat and then cook it on your engine block- there is just no possible way to prepare this swill so that it tastes good.

9) Gun activists: Yes, I know it's my right. I understand that. But the less guns there are laying around, the less people get shot by them. Doesn't mean that guns cause crime, or that eliminating guns will stop shooting deaths (as criminals will just buy them illegally anyway.) No one is claiming anything of the sort. All I'm saying is that if you don't have a gun around you are less likely to get shot. These assholes who run around with cardboard signs exclaiming thier "right" to own a assault rifle are as lame as the people running arond with signs saying it's not thier right own an assalt rifle. It says " right to bear arms," Not "Right to own a high-tech killing machine that you can 86 a whole school yard with."

And as for those people who say they need such weaponry to "defend thier home," let me ask you, when was the last time you were in a situation that required such firepower that a handgun or shotgun could not provide? Like say, a whole team of ninjas invaded your house in the middle of the night, and the 38 special under your bed just wasn't up to the task of home defense? This isn't Beruit; Groups of terrorists are not in the habit of invading private homes in this country (not yet anyway.)

Make no mistake; The reason there's so much of a gun culture in this country has nothing to do with your "right" to self defense- it has to do with the intrinsic fear that white rualites have of minorites. Don't think so? Then why do all the NRA dickheads correspond to the racist bible belt assholes? Becase they're the same fucking people. The same scumbags who used to lynch black people and burn crosses are the same fuckheads who like to keep ak-47s around. It's some kind of insane white-person paranoia that the niggers are going to rise up and rape thier children- complete bullshit and I'm not buying into it anymore. First it was indians, then blacks, now it's terrorsts. Same grade-A baloney story.

If anyone needs to own a gun in this country it's minorites- not only to defend themselves from the day-to-day life of inner city crime, bt also from the wacky gun nuts out there who have a tendency to flip out and waste a day care center or two. Becase every person of color in this country knows this one indisputable fact: there is nothing more scary than a white person with a gun.

The only reason for anyone who isn't a farmer or a drug dealer to own a gun in my opinion is to shoot other assholes who own guns, mainly gun activists. I say we wall off a state and ship all the gun nuts there and let them kill each other all they want. Fuck them.

10) Midget jokes: Why is it that you can take any otherwise lame example of bullshit toilet humor, slap a midget in it, and all of the sudden it's supposed to be "funny?" Since when did the entire comedic culture center around dwarfs? Midgets are just like salad dressing; They improve the taste but do nothing toget rid of those nasty olives in there. I hate olives too. Fuck olives.

President Bush kicks ass in Chile

You guys heard this story yet, where Bush got all macho and forced his way through Chilean security to let in one of his bodyguards?

Well you're not getting the whole story.

I was there man, I saw the shit go down.

What really happened was the the Chilean dinner was really filled with terrorists. Ricardo Lagos got up to make a speech, when suddenly he ripped off this face mask like in Mission Impossible to reveal himself as evil-incarnate, Micheal Moore.

With a leg of mutton in one hand and a megaphone in the other, he shouted to his terrorist cohorts" "Let's kill this redneck S.O.B. once and for all!"

Suddenly all the guests tore off their disguises to reveal a rouge's gallery of anti-American terrorists and rouge leaders who support them, Osama, Zacahquari, Idi Amin, Kaddafi, Kim ll jung, the entire Axis of evil.

High on a podium Moore laughed out loud as he called for his naked slave boys. "Bring me my chili bucket so I may watch this execution with satisfaction!" He cried. Two naked boys brought out a 55 gallon drum full of chili and set it in front of the fat film maker. He proceeded to scoop it into his huge maw with both hands yet still maintained his grip on the mutton leg. I think he ate he megaphone.

Bush found himself caught in an evil-terrorist trap, with his secret service agents still outside held back by Chilean security.

"You tricked me Moore, you chili-cheese megaphone eatin' biatch!" Screamed Bush. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... ummm..."

"May we keel heem now, oh grithous leader?" Screamed Osama.

"Yes, please do." Moore spitted. "And bring me some goddammed donuts for crissakes."

After a few minutes of staring blankly at nothing, Bush realized he was in trouble. He tried to get Dick Chaney on the secret earpiece that was still in his coat since the debates but somehow Moore must have prepared for this, and all he got was Mexican Disco music. He knew he was gonna have to handle this on his own, So he whipped out his nunchucku and kicked some terrorist boo-tay.

If I had known Bush was a master at Kung-fu I would have voted for him in a second. Bush was like Bruce Lee, kicking ass and taking names while still shaking his bootie to the beat of Mexican dance music. It was like watching the greatest movie ever made, "Revenge of the Disco Godfther," all over again. For anyone who isn't hip to the asskicking stylings of Rudy Ray Mooore, I suggest you learn.

First up was Saddam Hussian, who managed to escape just thirty minutes before by pretending to be an illegal farm worker and getting deported to Chile. Bush grabbed his head and shoved it up his own ass, then bounced him like a human basketball and made a three pointer right into a Chilean public toilet.

Next Ossama tried to get crazy with an Ak-47, but Bush was too fast. He was dodging bullets like the in Matrix, doing all these crazy backflips and stuff, beating off tons of suicide bombers and Jihadist punks left and right. Then he grabbed a plate full of oysters and slung it like a holy missile with such force that it chopped off Osama's head, which flew through the air and landed in Micheal Moore's depth-charge sized drum of Chili. Moore proceeded to eat anyway.

Oassma's headless body hung on for a second and continued to fire the machine gun, blowing away Idi Amin and shooting Kim ll Jung in both knee caps right before he was about to hit Bush with a bowl full of eggrolls. Jung collapsed to the ground, holding his exposed and bleeding kneecaps, howling in pain. Osama's lifeless body finally fell to the floor. Spurts of blood splattered from his stump of a neck as his heart continued to pump for a few seconds. Some other terrorists had taken position on the second story balcony and were firing pot shots at the President. He picked up Kim and used him like a human shield whilst simultaneously grabbing Ossama's Ak-47 at a full run somersault executed with Olympic precision. Bullets ripped through the North Korean dictator's body while Bush charged them and returned fire with Osama's weapon.

"Ouch! Dat hurts! Let me go! I'm Solly! I'm Solly!" screamed Kim. Bush took out the scumbags on the second level, then coyly remarked "I'll let you go!" then promptly threw Kim through a second story window. Kim landed on a wrought iron gate around a plot of daisy's, but still managed to hang on in excruciating pain for a few more moments. Some papparatzi snapped pictures as he chocked on his own blood.

Zacquari and the president traded blows, but the Iraqi terrorist was no match for the Texan ranch owner former Governor. Bush whipped his ass like it was nobody's business, then did the five-fingered-exploding-heart technique. Zacqari tried to run away but after five steps his heard exploded through his chest. Surprisingly this was not enough to kill him right away and he whipped out a hidden 38 special and fired at Bush at point blank range. I thought it was all over, but after the smoke cleared I was floored when I found Bush CAUGHT THE BULLET IN HIS TEETH! I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! He caught it in his teeth, chewed it up, and spit it out with such momentum that it tore Zaquari's body fully in half at the midsection, then Bush took Zacquari's own intestines and strangled him to death for the coup de' grace.

I thought the president was in trouble when I heard this rumbling and the animated corpses of the Ayatollah Komeni and Yassir Arafat burst through the wall. They were controlled by none other than Satan himself! That's right guys, Satan came up from hell with his two agents of evil to destroy God's instrument on Earth.

But I soon had nothing to worry about. Bush, with God on his side, delivered a holy ass-kicking straight from the Lord. He beat them off using his super crazy presidential kung-fu, then used Zaquari's intestines like a lasso and roped Komnei around the neck, then ran outside to a truck full of farm workers and tied it around the bumper, then threatened them with deportation. The ruse worked and they forgot they weren't in California yet and sped away, dragging Komeni's body until it fell apart. I think some stray dogs made off with his head.

Arafat posed no threat either. He tried to sucker punch Bush but the president was even faster, caught his punch like Steven Segal, tore his arm off, and used it to beat both him and Satan into submission. Then he got Satan in the illegal WWE Super-midget-sleeper hold and gave him noogies until he promised to go away.

Micheal Moore got away. We better pass Patriot act IV before it's too late. Who knows what evil plans he has in store for us.

It was an awesome blood-bath of presidential proportions. Damn the Liberal media for shutting off the cameras and hiding this story. We should revolt.

I swear to God this is all true. I was there.

What the Fuck is wrong with you people?

George Bush got re-elected. Which one of you assholes made this happen? I am personally going to fly out and beat the shit out of each one of you.

I guess four years of fucking up our nation, destroying the environment, stripping away our rights, ruining our economy, and sending us careening screaming into the neo-con manufactured Apocalypse just isn't enough for you dickheads. Now I have to suffer through four more years pseudo moral majority bullshit while the fucking Evangelical Christians screw up the world even more.

Oh well. Despite the major allegations of voter fraud in Florida, Ohio, new Mexico, and elsewhere, it looks like the news media has bullshitted itself into believing Bush won this one fair and square. Like we should expect them to like, report the truth or something. And, as I am an American, I can admit defeat; for John Kerry that is. For the rest of us it's on like Donkey Kong.

Because to anyone with a brain it's pretty obvious that this whole thing is just a repeat of 2000. We have exit polls that are accurate in every county EXCEPT those that have the paperless electronic voter machines. We've been doing exit polls in this country for over 100 years, they just don't screw up for no reason. Exit polls are so accurate they are used as a judgment of voter fraud in the 3rd world for crying out loud. We have similar voter purges like what happened in Florida, except now in Ohio, Nevada, and New Mexico. In some of those states it's not even the law to deny ex-felons their voting rights, yet it happened anyway.

In Florida, some asshole made up flyers that said if you have an outstanding traffic ticket you'd be arrested at the polls. Other people spread more disinformation, one mass e-mail to new registrants claimed you'd need a driver's licence, birth certificate, and social security card to vote.

Greg Palast has undeniable proof that 4000 college kids were tricked into re-registering Republican at a phony address when what they thought they were signing was a petition to legalize medical marijuana. Even though he went to the authorities with names, addresses, copies of the registration forms, and letters from disenfranchised voters the cops in Florida refused to prosecute "for a few more weeks," i.e. until after the election.

It's fucking bullshit. And anyone who interprets this as a "mandate" has their head up their ass and deserves to be curbed. You got a problem with what I'm saying? Then bring it. Everything I'm saying is true and can be verified by a simple Google.

I knew this was going to happen, I told everyone out in Internet land this election was going to be stolen, I could link to several hundred bulletin board posts where I predicted this would happen. Now it has come to pass. I am right about everything. I should start my own psychic network.

What matters now is that all of us who didn't want this psychopath in office to continue to do what we've been doing, that is scream at those without brains who voted for that dumb fuck about why they are all stupid retarded bitches.

See, there's something at work here that most people either are not aware of, or are too stupid to comprehend- America as we know it is teetering on the brink. The progression of a nation state (and for that matter, civilization) is as follows: It's born in an explosion of myth, devolves into a militaristic fascist state, then ends up as a conquest state before either fading away or crumbling all together. Back in the olden days this cycle could take hundreds or even thousands of years. But like everything else in our society that moves at a lightning pace, so does the evolution and eventual fall of our nation.

like Ancient Rome, Egypt, England, Sumeria, etc, the birth of America has been canonized into myth. We have George Washington who cannot tell a lie, chopped down the cherry tree, the Boston Tea Party, Ben Franklin and the kite and key, all of that baloney that has become the stuff of myth. They are stories that we look back on to show how "pure" our nation is, regardless of the fact that none of those events actually happened the way we're told. No difference here than say Romulus and Remus being raised by a she wolf or Cadmus sowing dragon teeth.

Like Rome and Egypt, we have also devolved into a military state. The precise moment this happened is hard to pinpoint, but I would place it somewhere near the end of WWII and the beginning of the Cold War. Our "enemies" were numerous and Godless barbarians, who wanted to overrun and kill us simply for the fact that we exist. For a while we lived happily under this threat of mutually assured destruction.

But that's over with now. The Russians are not there to keep us in check anymore. There is no significant counterbalance to American expansionism, and as thus our nation has entered the final phase: The conquest state. America is at the forefront of several major world crisises- the world is running out of oil, a globalized economy threatens to bring back the feudal system, massive climate change is going to displace millions. Instead of emerging from the Cold War as benevolent victors who will bring civilization to the animals, we've become what we hate- a totalitarian dictatorship hell bent on world conquest. Make no mistake, America has to expand in order to survive.

Problem is we can't do it. We don't live in a dark world populated by barbarians and mongrels. We live in a modern, high technology world where the majority of the human race is literate, somewhat educated, and has access to instant communication and news media, and also highly destructive weaponry. The rest of the world is more informed than you are living in this country. They have media that actually tells the truth once in a while. Anyone who has ever left the Untied States and lived abroad knows how much better life in this country could be. It's goddammed embarrassing.
We cannot afford to take over the world. Two wars coupled with Bush's ridiculous ta cut for rich people have turned a once in a lifetime government surplus into the largest defecit in history ( 7.4 TRILLION dollars and counting, that's $7,400,000,000,000) That's the roof; our lawmakers in Washington are now looking for book keeping tricks to keep the government going. We cannot afford another war. We have the technology, but we don't have the money, we don't have the manpower, we don't have the economy. All you shitheads who think it's fine that we told the U.N. to go fuck themselves and went it alone, we cannot afford to do that anymore. WE HAVE NO CHOICE. We have to co-operate with the international community if we ever hope to catch Ossama Bin Laden (not like he has anything to do with anything anymore. He's been relegated to window dressing, so much so that he has to send us videotapes to remind us he exists. Nice fucking war on terror. What a load of horseshit.)

The thing is it doesn't have to be this way. We don't need to conquer other peoples and take their resources in order to survive anymore. This isn't the Roman Empire, we re not living in a world where if the walls are not manned 24-7 the barbarians are going to sack us. Nobody wants to kill us, they just want to make money. The people out there in the rest of the world still want to be our friends (for the most part,) no matter how many bombs our crazy president dropped in the last four years.

Yes, there are crazy people out there who need to be stopped. Yes we have to stop them. But the only way we can cripple international terrorism, break the backs of cruel rouge dictatorship states, stop the international drug trade and at the same time protect the environment, human rights, the rights of workers and poor people and still not implode when the oil peaks in ten years is by working together with those we don't like- the rest of the world. We need Europe, we need Asia. They need us. We aren't living in individual nation states anymore, we are living in a world community. Time to start acting like it.

And to the rest of you conservatives out there: This is all your fault. Good job assholes.

Four Assholes Who Are Famous But Shouldn't Be

( Note: When this list was posted it originally included Anna Nicole Smith among the perpetrators. Due to her sudden tragic death - which was not far from what I predicted - her entry has been removed on account that read in today's climate it's in extremely bad taste. I still think she was useless.)

There are some people out there who deserve fame and fortune. What most people don't realise is that it takes a lot of hard work to excel at your chosen field so much that you acquire celebrity status, be that acting, singing, entertainment,sports, or whatever. And the loving adoration of fans is the least we can do to appreciate the talents of such people.

However there are some out there who somehow have apparently managed to forgo the traditional road to fame and fortune, people who just happen to be rich and/or famous and nobody can remember how they got there. Be it through money, connections, or selling their soul to Satan, these people are a blight on the American celebrity subculture. They should all be destroyed, or worse, ignored until they go away.

1) JOAN RIVERS:
I think Joan Rivers epitomizes what I'm talking about here. Who exactly is she again? What did she do to get famous? Was she an actress? Singer? Did she invent something? What exactly does she do? I think she had a talk show for about five minutes fifteen years ago. Now all she does is stand by while other disgusting rich people waddle their way into the oscars and comments on who's wearing the skimpiest clothing. Like if Kermit the Frog turned into an old Jewish woman, that's Joan Rivers.

2) PARIS HILTON:
First off anyone named "Paris" is a bitch, straight out. Second, what the hell did she do to get famous besides star in a badly done amateur porn video? The bitch doesn't even know how to give head decently and suddenly she's on every goddamn channel? So all you have to do to get your own TV show is be rich and play hide the salami with a camcorder in the room? A perfect example of the idle rich, a no-talent disgusting pseudo-aristocrat who uses her wealth and her body to get fame she couldn't acquire otherwise. No doubt soon she'll star in some stupid ass movie.

3) JESSICA SIMPSON:
Another Stupid broad, who's claim to fame seems to be that she's smart as a box of rocks. How did it become an admirable thing to be a thick-headed nincompoop? Yeah she's hot as fuck, but one day Jessica Simpson is going to get old. Her boobs will droop, her ass will expand, her toes will yellow. Who's going to remember her then? She's a flash in the pan movie of the week, and frankly it's time to turn the channel. Fuck Jessica Simpson.

4) DONALD TRUMP:
A goofy baldy-headed asshole, who just happens to have a gazillion dollars so for some reason that means he gets to be on the cover of people magazine every week. Yeah he's got more money than I'll ever see in my entire life, even on TV. Yeah he's probably done more cool and exciting shit and banged tons of hot chicks and will probably die fat and happy and content having done everything he's ever wanted. But that's no reason to be famous. He's not a singer, actor, entertainer, sports hero, writer, politician, or personality, in fact he doesn't have much of a personality. He's an investment banker. Wow, that's some exciting shit. You ever see Donald Trump try to read from a script? He might be rich, but that's all there is to him. He's an icon, the guy we poor people look at and think "If that dickhead and do it, so can I." But if being rich means I have to look like Donald Trump I'd rather stay poor. Look at his ass. he's a fucking robot. And goddammit ditch the toupee already, get some hair implants. You have a billion dollars, you can afford it.

MY COMPUTER SUCKS

Before I start out here, let it be known that I am not a super computer smarty. I read PC World, I read 2600, I read about computer shit on the internet on a daily basis. But I still manage to fuck my computer up from time to time.

So, yesterday I was fooling around on the internet whereupon I came across this list of task menu programs and what they mean. (http://www.answersthatwork.com/Tasklist_pages/tasklist.htm ) Reading down I see two items, IGFXTRAY and HKCMD, which are related to hotkey functions for Intel graphics chipsets. According to this website these were not needed to run at startup (and they were ok to remove,) and seeing how I've never used these particular hotkeys I thought it ok to remove them via msconfig from starting up automatically everytime you start the computer. So far, so good.

Then, everything went to hell. I got these crazy lines going through my screen, big black boxes, vertical grey columns, etc. My screen looked like shit. I assumed that putting everything back the way it was would fix the problem. It was 6:00 pm.

Five hours later and my screen was still fucked up. Here are some of the things I did (in no particular order) to try and rectify the problem:

1) I put the startup folder back the way it was

2) Manipulated the screen resolution, color depth, and hardware acceleration

3) Reinstalled the driver for my graphics card (ATI Radeon 9800 pro,) several times I might add.

4) Downloaded new drivers for the Radeon and installed those, also several times.

5) Changed about every setting there is for the graphics card, monitor, etc.

6) Rebooted in Safe mode, deleted the drivers, rebooted normally and installed them again via plug and play

7) Did the same as above but installed the drivers manually from the CD, then again manually from the download folder

8) Disabled the graphics card in device manager, rebooted, then enabled it again (this really screwed things up and lead to me having to reactivate Windows XP. Fucking Microsoft.)

9) Downloaded new drivers for the motherboard Intel graphics chipset

10) Switched monitors and switched to an old graphics card. Problem did not go away.

10) Loaded the shotgun and put it in my mouth, but the gun jammed.

11) Went on various tech forums and pleaded like a whiny bitch for someone with more computer smarts than me to see it in their heart to help me out.

By the time I had finished doing all this bullshit it was 3:30 A.M. I had just succeeded in wasting my whole day off. I was hungry, tired, and extremely pissed off. As far as I could tell from the internet was that the memory on the graphics card had somehow become corrupted, which blew ass because I didn't want to buy a whole new card just because I unchecked one little box in Msconfig. I tried to masturbate but I couldn't, just too damn angry I suppose (that was a first for me....) And through all of this shit, my screen still looked like this:

See those horizontal lines? That's actually a large improvement from how it originally looked.

So anyway, at 4:00 A.M. I finally gave up, went to sleep, and had dreams about torturing old lady midgets with a wooden cooking spoon. I woke up this morning refreshed, got myself this big caveman club with a nail in it, and prepared to scream at the computer all day again. I turned the shit on, and everything was back to normal.

All I had to do was turn the shit off, wait a few hours, and turn it back on. What the fuck? Who forgot to put that little detail in the manual? I just wasted my whole fucking day on this fucking computer, trying everything I possibly could to try and fix a problem that fixed itself in the middle of the night with no human intervention whatsoever? What the hell is going on here?

I've come to two conclusions, either (A) whoever designed this graphics card somehow put this in there as a practical joke, or (B) the ancient Cuthulu demon that inhabits my computer needs me to be close to it so it can suck out more of my soul energy and thus one day grow strong enough to free itself from it's binary prison. Or maybe it was the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus, or some fucking script kiddie who got past my firewall somehow, or God. Who knows. All I know now is that this computer is a piece of shit and I am going to build another one, without a graphics card from ATI. Maybe I'll get a Mac.

Fuck this computer.

Ten Things I Fucking Hate Part V

1) Junebugs: Those little yellow beetles that fly around and smack into things. These insects are proof enough that evolution is true; God would never design an organism so ugly, clumsy, or annoying.

2) People who have the "Calvin pissing" sticker on their cars: You are all thieves. Bill Watterson retired because assholes like you kept ripping him off. Now the Sunday funnies suck ass. Thanks motherfuckers.

3) Family Circus: Why is this fucking comic still in print? How many years have we been forced to view this mindless garbage? it's not funny, half the time it's some stupid observation of child behavior that anyone with kids wouldn't get (no less care about,) it doesn't make sense, the kids look like disgusting overweight deformed cabbage patch dolls with big-headed disease. It needs to end. We need to destroy it.

4) Girls who wear sweatpants outside: Nothing says "I give up" more than a pair of sweatpants. I know it's casual, comfortable wear for the up and up woman with a career and a home life too, I'm saying they make you look ugly. They do nothing to show off your ass, plus they make you look lazy. Put on a pair of jeans when you go outside.

5) Thin crust pizza: Man, if it ain't broke, then don't fix it. Thin crust pizza is fucking nasty, period. It's like eating soggy crackers.

6) Cowboys: What is this obsession with dressing up like Hopalong Cassidy? I wonder if in 1899 there was a whole sub-segment of the society who continued to dress in frilly coats, powdered wings, and shoes with buckles on them. This is the 21st century, get with the fucking program already.

7) Eggplant: There is no possible way to prepare this vegetable so it tastes good. There just isn't. Don't even try.

8) When the girl you love  marries somebody else: I am going to kill myself.

9) Hunters: All hunters are a bunch of wimps and pussies. There is nothing "sporting" about shooting a defenseless animal from a mile away with a high powered rifle. They're all fat stupid rednecks who all think they're fucking Davy Crockett. All you Elmer Fudd lookin' retards out there should be forced to use sharpened rocks, caveman style. Let's see how tough you are facing down a 500 pound Elk with bag of pebbles and a sling. And then they get all teary eyed when one of them ends up lunch for a black bear. Fuck'em, be a good lesson to the rest.

10) Having to say "sorry" whenever I accidentally brush up against another person: What the hell kind of society do we live in where if I even make the slightest contact with another human being's body, if I don't immediately apologize and back away, then somehow they think I'm some kind of child molester asshole or something? I'm NOT sorry I bumped into you, I did it on purpose. Your were in my way, try looking where you're going next time. This is a real pain in the neck when you do this to a chick, because then she suddenly thinks you're some kind of pervert and was trying to feel her ass or something. It's fucking bullshit, I have crap to do and if your fat ass is in the way that's not my problem. Fuck you and your personal space.

ALL CONSERVATIVES MUST DIE

(The reaction I got to this one was interesting, a few people choose this as an example of a Liberal blog post that advocated violence towards conservatives. You'll notice that nowhere in the post do I actually do that, except for the very last line which, if you are retarted and read it out of context, could reasonably be construed as advocating violence, but not really as it's only my personal opinion. Nowhere do I say "Go out and kill conservatives." Becasue killing people you don't agree with is something that only right wing nutjobs tend to do - abortion doctors anyone? When was the last time a leftist got busted for a hate crime? When was the last time a vegan neo-pagan femminist enviromental activist went out and murdered someone for political reasons? Name one example. You can't, becasue it doesn't happen. So you conservative people don't go trying to turn the shit around and say I'm advocating violence, because that's a load of shit. - MR)

Fuck these people. You know what is wrong with this country? Everybody in it is a moron. We are a country that prides it's self on liberty, that is personal freedom. But while our forefathers had the idea that Liberty involved being able to own your own land, make your own rules, elect your own leaders, and work at your own ability to make something for yourself and your family, today people equate liberty with choosing not to wear a seat belt or smoke a cigarette in a hospital.
I didn't make that up, I heard it on the John Ziegler show, which to my dismay displaced Coast to Coast with George Noory at the 10 pm slot on KFI, home reactionary right talk radio (also called "the Rush Limbaugh network.") What the hell am I doing listening to John Ziegler, especially after the rant where I told him he blows ass so much? Because he's on at 10 pm after I get off of work. The radio station I usually listen to, KPFK (part of the Pacifica network, the one source of media left besides the internet that isn't totally overrun by right wing assholes or corporate dickheads with an agenda) usually plays music at this time. While most of the time it's good music, it is still music none the less. I like talk radio, it's nice to think about shit while driving. The choices in my particular area are rather slim for talk radio at 10pm, and while John Ziegler is nothing more than a dancing monkey that parrots out the usual celebrity "news" bullshit, at least it's something to digest.
So this quote gets me thinking about the conservative mindset, and it didn't take very long to equate what we call the average American conservative to what fifty years ago we called "Fascists." Yes, I know there are internet rules about losing arugments when one party calls the other a facist. Fuck that, I'm doing it anyway.
What were the goals of European Fascism circa WWII? How many of fascism's goals have parallels in today's conservative organizations? (You notice I don't say "Republicans" specifically, because a lot of the Democrats are just as bad. The Republicans are just more verbal about it.) Let's name a few:
1) Total domination of the Government by the military: Anyone who cuts military spending is branded a traitor who is "Against our troops." Never mind that even when we weren't fighting two wars at once military spending was still the largest expenditure of our tax dollars, next to social security that is. You know how much we have spent on the military since WWII? Over fifteen trillion dollars. That's :

15,000,000,000,000

Fifteen trillion dollars is what it took to bankrupt the Soviets and get rid of Communism. It's also more than the sum total of EVERYTHING in the United States and it's territories. That means all the houses, roads, cities, factories, fanny packs, computers, coffee mugs, paychecks, retirement plans, Nintendo Gameboys, and everything else in the country for the last 50 years could be bought with that much dough. All this cash spent on building tanks, bombs, nuclear missiles, atomic submarines, and all this other shit that didn't matter when 20 psychopaths rendered all that technology useless and managed to fuck us up more than anyone else since Peal Harbor with some $5.99 box cutters and a few plane tickets. What the fuck are these assholes doing with all that money? Why the hell are we still giving it to them?
But will you ever see a conservative even think for a second that all this ridiculous spending just might be unjustified? No way, because it's not about defense, or "homeland security," it's about domination. Domination of the citizens of this country and every other country on the entire planet, just like Hitler wanted. It always has been. It makes my fucking head hurt.
2) Total domination of the citizen by the government: The code word for this is "security," i.e. we need the ability to hunt down those who would do us harm and stop them before they kill us. See, in America everyone is scared shitless of dying, be it from acid rain, Satan worshipers, computer hackers, SARS, gangbangers or terrorists. We have here what is called "the monster of the week," that horrible unknown, unspeakable agent of evil whose only goal is to destroy us utterly and everything we stand for. For a few short weeks after 9-11 it seemed like people started thinking beyond this baloney, but it only took a little while for terrorism to become the latest monster of the week. Now terrorism is nothing more than an excuse to strip away just a little bit more of your Constitutional rights. See, they don't take it away in huge chunks because that would be too obvious; They create the conditions whereupon you will consent to your rights being removed little by little until there is nothing left. Because when there are scary Islamo-terrorists armed with Iraqi chemical weapons it might be prudent to burst down the door without a warrant.
Sound familiar? It's because the same bullshit was pulled by Hitler: Create a crisis, inflate the sense of patriotic identity that most people naturally feel about the country they love, find a scapegoat to blame it on, and then the people will make you a demi-god and you will rule them for life. Hitler choose Jews to persecute. Used to be Communists here, now it's terrorists. Same old story.
3) Destruction of any kind of Public assistance net: Why? Because you can't keep people out fighting wars when they're too concerned about the poor people back home. Besides who the hell wants to spend their money helping smelly homeless people when there's bombs to build and tanks to manufacture? You fool the people into thinking that "big government" is evil, cut all the funding to education (can't have people thinking for themselves,) stop all assistance to poor ghetto children and people in wheelchairs, get rid of any costly regulations that stop people from dumping toxic waste where ever they feel like it, then you take that collective anger and focus it at your enemy, which today seems to be whichever country has the most oil. People don't want to kill strangers that can do them no harm when life back home is too easy- you have to keep them terrified on a constant basis, living one step above abject poverty, and willing to risk their lives to get something better for themselves. In the meantime you get to run away with all the moola. Don't tell me this isn't what happened in Nazi Germany because it did, it's the model all dictatorships follow. Turn the people against themselves and they will have nobody but you to "protect" them. That's homeland security in a nutshell.
4) Encourage Religion and where possible integrate it with civic duty: I am just going to come out and say it: Religion is bullshit. It always has been and always will be. Does this mean that I'm some kind of soulless atheist commie bastard with no regard for human life? Nope, it just means that religion has no place in the public life and workings of a government for sophisticated educated people in the 21st century. You can believe all that invisible man shit if you want, fine with me. But keep it the fuck out of the courthouse, out of congress, out of the White House, and off of my money. Now that you know my opinion...
The relationship between religion and tyranny is simple: Keep the people in the church on their knees and they will never think with their heads. A god that preaches love is the best tool to use to get those same people to kill others they don't even know. Besides, it'll keep people used to the idea of an authority figure that must be submitted to in every way possible. What the TV preachers fail to recognize is that the Islamo-terrorists are very religious people too, and it is precisely because of this religious fervor that they carry out their destruction with such zealous abandonment. How different is blowing yourself up in an Israeli disco from sending your life savings to Pat Robertson or sending your kid to a "reprogramming center?" Not very large in my opinion; both are actions done by desperate people fooled by those who they think will save them.
Besides, every dictator needs an army willing do fight to the death. Hitler encouraged religion too.
5) Take any restrictions off the corporations back home: The collaboration between the Nazi Party and big businesses like Dupont, Ford, Chrysler, Berretta, etc. are all well documented. Bombers were instructed not to hit certain buildings in Germany as they were owned by said companies; before long people started using them as air raid shelters because they knew they would be safe there. These were American companies that were doing business arming the Nazis, but at the end of the war instead of being sued out of existence like traitors, our Government paid them repatriations for damages inflicted upon their holdings in Germany. Ford got 31 million dollars at the end of the war, Chrysler got 18 million. When I first heard this I couldn't fucking believe it, but it's true. Look it up.
Why the big cozy mutual anal plunging between fascism and big business? Why would a government that is interested in total control relinquish that control when it comes to the means of production? Because if you ally yourselves with the Capitalists then you get access to the capital. I'm not saying this because I'm some kind of commie tree hugger that wants to get rid of all personal property; I am a firm believer in the free market, but I recognize that sometimes the free market isn't so free.
So you remove any government oversight to the corporations that fund your elections and let them run wild, and they will guarantee their support to you when the shit hits the fan, say like, oh I don't know, helping you steal an election *cough* FOX *cough*. It's a deal with the devil that goes back all the way to the civil war, and it needs to end. But I never see any of the conservative element in the pathetic monstrosity that passes for our political discourse say a nary word against corporate intrests. That's because our politicians were bought and paid for long ago people. It's not the land of the free anymore, it's the land of the free lunch for Microsoft, Walmart, Monsanto, and the Carlyle group.
Now before you all stereotype me as some stoned out nutcase who works a shitty job and is jealous of the rich people (which is a pretty good assessment I'd say, except you left out that I masturbate three times a day) keep in mind that in it's own way the radical left is just as fucked up as the right. The difference is that Greenpeace, the ACLU, the Green Party, the Industrial Workers of the World, or L.A.B. (Lesbians Against Bush) don't have the bazillions of dollars, the control of the major media, the access to vast sums of capital and resources, or tons of political clout that say Concerned Women for America, the Christian coalition, the Heritage foundation, The American Center for law and justice, or the G.O.P. have. They also for the most part do not have the same kind (or amount) of corporate money flowing into them. Don't believe me? Here's a list of corporate backers of the Cato Institute, a lobbyist organization who's main goal is the privatization of government services, social security in particular:
Philip Morris, R.J. Reynolds, Bell Atlantic Network Services, BellSouth Corporation, Digital Equipment Corporation, GTE Corporation, Microsoft Corp- oration, Netscape Communications Corporation, NYNEX Corporation, Sun Microsystems, Viacom International, American Express, Chase Manhattan Bank, Chemical Bank, Citicorp/Citibank, Commonwealth Fund, Prudential Securities and Salomon Brothers. Energy conglomerates include: Chevron Companies, Exxon Company, Shell Oil Company and Tenneco Gas, as well as the American Petroleum Institute, Amoco Foundation and Atlantic Richfield Foundation. Cato's pharmaceutical donors include Eli Lilly & Company, Merck & Company and Pfizer, Inc.
Yup, backed by the same people who would take control of said privatized government services, the deal with the devil hand in hand with the carrot and the stick to our politicians stressed for re-election funds. Imagine if Microsoft ran the schools, or R.J. Reynolds ran Medicare, or Enron ran Social Security? And these are the people that are fucking making it happen, the RIGHT, NOT THE LEFT. Our country is so goddamed corrupt it makes me want to let out a huge fart. I just did anyway.
The left is corrupt, disorganized, and for the most part so full of shit and disassociated with the mainstream that they can no longer act as a viable counterbalance to the fascists on the right who are taking over the country. A quick read up on history shows that the left never really had a chance in the first place. We can't count on them any longer to slow the progression of our country turning into a police state. They are too busy keeping their heads in their asses.
Wake up people, time to start taking the country back. We can have free markets, personal freedom, and peaceful world devoid of war and terrorism and at the same time protect worker's rights, jobs, the environment, civil liberties, etc. These things are not mutually exclusive. But it's going to take some concessions from both sides. Its' going to take not just cooperation between our two political parties, it's going to take us purging the criminal filth from our politics and institutions to make it happen. It's going to take your lazy ass to quit complaining, get up off the bed, turn off Mario Sunshine, and go out there and vote. In 2000 less than half of the citizens in this country bothered to vote, and look what happened. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
I personally think we should just kill them all.